Sometimes you think of your life and it maks you absolutly sad. Not sad in a way you want to kill yourself, more that in the way you feel light and dead already.
I am cyling and the air is cold from the morning glory. Its about 7 and I am not really joined by people. It is the road and me, the sunlight and the cold frost out of my mouth. I am thinking of my home, the old days. The child I used to be, dreaming of a change. These days I am not dreaming so loud anymore. Sometimes they get more volume but mostly I try to ignore them. I know I used to cry me believing there is a hope and there was a hope but I didnt know better then.
Sadly I am a sad kid. I am thinking of others lives, get sad about people I never seen before and will never ever see in my live again. Maybe I am just sad about everything in general.
I turn a corner and love the wind I am feeling. Its all freedom to me. I am so light, so thankful. I am a sad kid but would never kill myself. At least that is what I believe. I love life. I love Life for those moments I feel so much love and hope and thankfulness. Those moments with no efforts at all. Its just me riding the bike listening to music.
I feel alone a lot of times. Too many times. Not alone of not having company or something more a lonelyiness of not having someone who feels the same way. Ther is that city life I grew up and I live in. The people are dreaming other dreams there. You look into their eyes and dont know what to feel. They open they mouth and all you hear is the same. Said over and over again by different people with different pants but all saying the same. They just dont know it. They do the same, they think the same. I am not happy here. I cant find people to make friends with, it was not that bad in my home town, there was still the Twenty Percent. The Twenty Percent of different people. People who dont listen to all the others, People who are not afraid of being themselves and people who will listen to their inner feelings. I cannot find here 1 %.
Its a dead end and finally every country with no believers will end up like that. Its all gonna get worse, that is the truth. But still I love life. And it is not for the people who are selfish and low in their soul who entertain themself with drugs and alcohol and cannot cry in front of no one and tell I have faults. I love life for the inner happyines which my family gives me, for the big love of my mother that reflects the love of my dead father and for the luck that I found someone who loves me and is exactly what I searched for. A person who listen to his heart and knows where he comes from. He person who believs in love deeply. He got lost one time which made me sad and which was hard but I know he is the best. He just doesnt know it yet.
So here I am, with everything I want and love. I am happy, Right! And it makes me cry...